Realizations

Sometimes I take a look at my life and think about all the mile stones I've had . . . I was born, I took my first steps, rode a bike, went to school, changed schools, changed schools again, and then changed schools yet again . . . I'll run that by you, I went to 2nd and half of 3rd grade at one school. (I didn't go to kindergarten or first, so technically I'm a year ahead of where I'm supposed to be) I went to the other half of 3rd grade and 4th grade at another school, 5th grade at one more other school and then went to yet another school when I started middle/junior high. I know . . . crazy crazy. anyways, I tried out for my first play, I actually did my first play, I did all these things and as I think back on all these mile stones I start thinking about ones I haven't yet gotten to . . .

Turning 16 - dating and driving
Turning 18 - graduating high school (well, I'll graduate a bit before then . . . but still) and moving out, voting in elections
Going To college
Turning 21 - will probably serve a LDS mission
Finish school if I haven't already
Start a career
Courtship
Marriage
Kids

Wait!!! HOLD THE PHONE!! Did someone mention kids? Ummm . . . yeah, not sure I'm ready for that!! and to think, I'm 15 now, I could easily be married and pregnant or have a child in 10 years. that's less than how old I am right now!!!

. . .

Haylee could very well pass out now, in fact she wishes she could, but oh no!! Her brain has to go farther than that.

Kids grow up, their first days of school, their moving out, their dating, their husbands/wives, their kids, my grandkids!!! And now I'm gone. Fainted, dead . . .

Growing up scares me, what if I'm a horrible mom? What if my kids hate me? What if I became a single parent, could I handle it? What would I do? Am I ready to take on all this responsibility? Not even close . . . But considering how fast this past year has gone as a sophomore I'm not really counting on being ready, I'm counting on sheer luck, something I hope I have a lot of.

Right now my thoughts aren't even ready to handle the craziness of parenting, my biggest worries are how well I'm going to do on the english project, painting my nails, and what the boy across the hall meant when he winked at me . . . Might not be a whole lot to some people, but to us hormone raging teenagers it's insane and hard. Our hardest decisions are what classes we're going to take next year, what college we're going to attend, are we going to do well on the SAT/ACT?

Sigh, I think I'm going to be done with my tangent of things that scare me . . . I guess, I'll just have to take it in stride and pretend I know what I'm doing. (Like I haven't been doing that for years!!)

Love ya!